Family size and MS....?

A forum to talk about the general challenges of daily life with MS.

Family size and MS....?

Postby Wonderfulworld » Tue Jan 12, 2010 12:37 pm

Hi again to TIMS regulars and others dropping by!

The whole question of whether or not to have a second child & the MS situation is eating me up at the moment. I don't know who to talk to - well, my husband and I are talking about it, but it's not exactly a lighthearted chat you can announce to friends!

I know none of you can decide for me! - but I just feel very alone with this issue, even my own family don't really understand and I think they feel 'err on the side of caution' re. MS and the future. I don't know if I have the energy to cope with another child and even with another pregnancy - the last one was very tough. I wish I could give my son a sibling, my heart aches to see him with other children, but I don't know if I have the strength to have another child.
Have any of you been in this position?

For those of you who don't know me, my situation is MS 11+ years, was quite borderline about 6 years ago where I had worsending RR-MS, but for some reason my MS has gone back to pure RR-MS and has eased up a bit. I had a succession of miscarriages, but finally we were lucky enough to have an amazing little lad nearly 2 years ago now. I would hate him to be an only child, but I am getting older (38 this year) and I worry about the future, given that I was so bad a few years ago.
If you don't feel ok about posting openly please do send me a private message instead.
Thanks
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Concussus Resurgo
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RR-MS dx 1998 and Coeliac dx 2003
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Copaxone, Cymbalta. EPO, Fish Oils, Vitamin D3 2000 IU daily, Cal/Mag/Zinc, Multivitamin/mineral, Co-Enzyme Q10, Probiotics, Milk Thistle.
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Postby growing2boys » Tue Mar 16, 2010 11:24 am

Hi there,
I'm a 41 yr old. I have a 3 yr old & 5 yr old. I have been having pretty bad MS symptoms for about 3 years- mild symptoms for 5 years prior to that & I was just officially diagnosed. Denial is a powerful thing & I just put off all my problems as being over worked (I work very hard 14 hour shifts)

My current relapse has been going on for 6 weeks now. I am out of work. My kids are on laptops sitting next to me at the moment - great black Friday deals at Walmart!!! (older one starts school next year)
I am too weak to drive them to preschool, so they are sitting out. I am too weak to take them to the park even though it has warmed up. I am basically too weak to do most of the things we normally do, but I am just changing the things we do. I think I can continue to adjust our lives so that I can spend quality time with them even if I am not chasing them in the park. We read books. We pretend at home. We cook together. We make huge messes :) Dad takes over the physical stuff. I'm pretty sure they are very happy. Things will improve for them once school starts.

I had a really good feeling something was VERY wrong with me when I got pregnant with my second child. My reason for having #2 was that I didn't want #1 to be alone if I passed away. We don't have extended family, so he really would have been all alone without a sibling. Was that fair to #2? I don't know, but I think if you ask most people they will tell you they are happy they were born :) We considered adoption but found the cost/process horrible.

I am very fearful I have moved to a progressive form of this disease as I have had several bad bouts this last year. Even with that I am happy I had #2. My kids are best friends & it makes me all warm & fuzzy to watch them together. I sleep better at night knowing they have each other. They keep me pushing myself when I would prefer stay in bed. (I think that's a good thing)

Anywho, I wanted to chime in my positive ideas about #2. Your right that it takes a lot of soul searcing to decided & in the end you must do what you feel is the right thing (no one should influence you because it will be you pushing through the hard times alone)

Good luck- Sarah
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Postby MoJo » Mon Mar 22, 2010 2:29 pm

Hi

I know exactly how you feel! I have 2 boys aged 13 and 9! When I had my eldest boy I was convinced that I couldn't cope with a second child! Even though my MS was fairly sStable. I was having 2 or 3 relapses a year and was very tired!

Anyway nature decided for me and when my eldest boy was 3 and a half I fell pregnant again! My family were really worried about how I was going to cope. When my second son was born in the December I was lucky that I had a private nursery place for my oldest son 4 mornings a week! Then he started full time school in the September.

It hasn't been easy, but I wouldn't change it for the world! It has been great for the boys to have each other. When I am tired and not feeling great they are great at getting on and playing with each other. Life has got easier as they have got older and my eldest boy is very caring and responsible, but I will not let him take care of me, as much as he might try!

No one can make this decision for you. It is really important that you look at how you feel and how much support you may get from friends etc. It is tough to begin with, but it does get easier as the children get older.

I hop this has been some help to you.

:D :D
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Postby Jackie_D » Thu May 20, 2010 8:21 am

I think (and this is just my personal opinion) that if you and your husband want to have another child then you should.

Yes, MS does make it more difficult, but from what I've seen of people with MS (just through a couple of different message boards I'm on) they tend to be some of the strongest people I know and are able to handle almost anything! :)

Now my story: I had my 4th child in August of 2008 and was diagnosed in October of 2008. We had decided we were done anyways, so the MS didn't really affect us in that way. However, December 31st of 2009 we found out that we're expecting again! This was a big surprise, and I'm definately a little fearful of having a 5th, especially with the MS, but it's still a welcome surprise! Our 2nd son will be here sometime around the end of September! :) (we have 3 daughters and 1 son currently).

If I had been diagnosed before having children I probably would have spaced them out more, but I still would have wanted them! :)

My children currently are a daughter that will be 7 in June, a daughter that will be 5 in November, a son that turned 3 in March, and a daughter that will be 2 in August.
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