My Father, the best Care Giver

For questions on how to support loved ones with MS.

My Father, the best Care Giver

Postby MNMS » Sat Feb 09, 2013 5:50 pm

I am new to this forum in seek of some feedback after my 74 YOA mother entered the hospital just recently for a UTI and the flu. I saw this post and wanted to say that my mom has the best husband ever, my father.

My mom has very progressive MS. She is in a wheel chair, no use of any limbs, has a feeding tube and most of the time very limited speaking ability. She has been in a wheel chair for around 15 years, and has suffered with MS for about 35-40 years. My parents just celebrated their 50th Wedding Anniversary and my dad who is 73 has taken care of my mom the whole time. She still lives at home and my dad only has some help from a couple nurses a few hours a day.

My dad designed and helped built her a house specific to her needs when she became bound to a wheelchair. He takes my mom to church every Sunday and last year took her on a vacation and before that numerous times to visit us kids scattered around the states.

My dad even at 73 will not succumb to let her go into a assisted living/nursing home even though he too is getting older. Thats another topic for another forum. But I believe there many other family members, husbands, wives etc who care for their loved ones like my dad has as well.

If you are one frustrated with your loved ones condition, difficulties or hurdles it is understandable, but don't give up. Imagine what they are going through, how they feel...guilt, frustration, pain on and on.

Because of my dad, and despite her terrible condition, she has lived a pretty good life and is still so happy and remarkably content. She learned her life is very limited and that won't change, but she has family and an incredible husband. Her mind and memory is still that of a much much younger woman. If she was tossed to a nursing home a long time ago, I believe her will to live would be gone and she may not be here today.

So, for everyone who has a loved one with MS remember they are always suffering more than you and they are a person too with a very different and unpredictable disease.
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Re: My Father, the best Care Giver

Postby Moom9335 » Sat Feb 09, 2013 6:46 pm

Your father is to be commended. He is special and knows the meaning of marriage vows, humanity and compassion. Too many members with MS have been
abandoned by their spouses, my son included in that number. No one can understand how terrible it is to be thrown out like an old shoe when
the going gets tough. Your Dad is a hero and a true example of a great man.
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Re: My Father, the best Care Giver

Postby MNMS » Sat Feb 09, 2013 7:46 pm

Thank you very much; all of their friends and of course the family feel the same. It's amazing that he she has him, and that they are still truly in love, for better and for worse. Being in the military I see a lot of martial problems and divorces. Some of them are because it gets to tough with the spouse being away a lot and spending so much time with training and protecting our freedoms.

Very few people want to sacrifice anything, they want to be happy all the time and have everything be easy. But I always tell people, what if that was you. What if you were happy, active, young and the best family, then one day it you were diagnosed with MS or were injured? Everything changes and then to have your foundation, your spouse just give up because you were to much work, or cost to much to care for?!

This always gets me heated and so ticked off. I know it would be a struggle for me and I may not be able to do what my dad has done, but I sure would try my best and not give up. This is something my wife and I talk about; we are still quit young, but we often talk about getting older and the what if's. She has some pretty bad genes and cancer has claimed a lot of her family when they were young. But no matter what she gets or what ails her, I don't think I can give up on her no matter what the cost is.

Thanks for listening. Been one of those weeks where you think a lot and are very thankful for what and who you have in your life.
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