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Postby REDHAIRANDTEMPER » Wed Nov 16, 2005 10:17 am

just wanted to send this question out to u guys and hopefully i wont be crazy...but this morning i woke up and seemed like i felt mentallly fine..have held up fairly well for still not knowing what is going on and all..but i all of a sudden got the feeling when i got to work and started working a hoorrible feeling of panic and sadness...panic of what will i do with the boys and stuff like that..sadness that i still have no answers...did this happen to anyone else or am i just going insane...i almost feel like in a second or two i am going to brust out crying...so is that normal or is it just me..thanks for anyone who responses.....thanks for listening to me ramble

chris :cry:
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Postby Bonnie » Wed Nov 16, 2005 12:46 pm

Hi Chris,

Just wanted to let you know, that you aren't crazy, your feelings are totally normal, given the gravity of your "new" situation.

You are newly diagnosed, if I remember correctly, right? There are many emotions stirring around right now. All of them normal and natural.

Have you ever checked out www.braintalk.org the MS4 site? If not, why don't you register there. It is very active and you will see you are not alone. Your questions can be answered and you can do a lot of reading about other PWMS who have kids as well.

The link should automatically re-route you to the newest board. But if it doesn't, just PM me, and I'll send you the link. I can never remember it, something with http://hasty pastry in it. LOL www.braintalk.org will still get you there.
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Postby REDHAIRANDTEMPER » Wed Nov 16, 2005 1:15 pm

thanks bonnie,
i will look at that site....mkaes me feel a little better..will go to it and check it out...thanks again

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Postby carolew » Thu Nov 17, 2005 8:30 am

Dear Chris, your message brought back memories of my first treatment with steroids. Then I knew that the problem was serious.
But, hang in there. I don't know how severe your disease is but depression and depressive 'states' are part of the picture. I think we all feel lost and overwhelmed at one point or another.
I hope you have someone to talk to and share your fears with, if not, you have us :wink: When we have children to support, it is so scary. We have to muster the energy (and it is not always there) to make an inventory of our options if ever, one day, we get very disabled. I hate that word with a passion.
I guess it all boils down to the fear of the unknown.
The panicky feeling often fades but the underlying fear is always a bit present.
Keep up your exercise routine, I hope you have one because it does help create those endorphins that make you feel better.
Eat and sleep well, all the basic stuff that a human being needs to stay sane. Try to stay positive. Make short term plans to give you things to look forward to.
If all this fails, maybe a couple of sessions of supportive psychotherapy can help.
Take good care and keep in touch. Carole
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Postby kitkat2 » Thu Nov 17, 2005 3:23 pm

Hi Chris!

Your situation brought back memories for me as well. I got my diagnosis 4 yrs ago just a couple days before xmas.

**cue:the sweet sound of violins**

I recall I could not work, and so money was tight--however, I was determined to buy gifts for my three young sons. So, I secretly scavenged around my house, seeking every bit of loose change I could find, put it in a huge ziploc bag, and drove to my bank to cash it out. I somehow lugged myself, gimpy left leg and all inside and parked myself at window number one, exhausted. Chris, I'm sure you understand this type of tiredness. I found myself face to face with what seemed to be the female version of Eb Scrooge, complete with wizened scowl! [this really happened] I shuddered.
Anyhow, my account was overdrawn, so she would not cash out the coinage. This is for my kids, I thought to myself...so I begged her to reconsider, but....
I turned, and limped back out toward my car, dragging my now spent leg behind me. As soon as I stepped outside the most beautifully ironic thing happened. It began to snow these big fluffy flakes! The pretty scene arrested my defeated spirit, and I drove straight to Toys 'R Us where a friendly clerk was more than happy to accept all the coins, without making me feel embarassed.
My sons had gifts to open, and I was pleased with myself. I had never known that I could be so brave and strong!
No doubt, you have discovered the same. Often, it seems the dx is worse than the disease itself. Take heart, my friend, and know that you have found, IMO, the most intelligent and upbeat ms website possible!
We are all in this together.
KK2 :)
Holding out hope for Liberation!
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Postby mrhodes40 » Thu Nov 17, 2005 5:49 pm

And I want to point out that no one knows what your progression will be. I had a big exacerbation the first time-the only real exacerbation I ever had was the first one, though I slowly progress. But I could still jog 6 years after diagnosis. I was so spastic I could not bend from that waist down at first with the exacerbation. I was numb in my legs, and I could not see well. I was worried sick about what would happen. But I just ate differently and more healthily, got exercise and generally took care and I got better for a long time. But you know what, it just didn't progress that much. After 15 years now it is obvious that I have a big limp I use a cane and cannot walk far, but that only happened in the last year. And new medicines and findings come along all the time. Before long tovaxin will be out and other things are not far behind. I personally use abx now.
So you have every reason to be hopeful. Please do!
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Postby kareng7 » Sat Nov 19, 2005 6:25 pm

It is very overwhelming. It makes you redefine who you are, even if you don't want to. It's like being told you're already in the process of dying--and maybe you are. But we all are. No one gets out of this life alive.

I don't say this to be a bummer. In a way, even though it's scary, it can be kind of liberating.

I grew up with a mom who is very safety-conscious. She's always warning us about silly little things or even very big things that could happen, but usually don't. In a way, I've been fearful in my life of "something bad happening." Well, guess what. Now it has! So what else will happen. Who knows? But it's like the proverbial other shoe has dropped. It's made me less fearful of other things that, by comparison, seem like no big deal now. I find myself saying "What, I'm going to worry about *that*? I have MS."

So, that overwhelmed feeling you have is perfectly natural. You've probably heard about Elisabeth Kübler-Ross M.D., who developed the five-stage grief model. It is a guide to the stages that a dying or grieving person goes through while accepting a difficult situation, such as a loved one dying.

The five stages are:

· Denial
· Anger
· Bargaining
· Depression
· Acceptance

But here's something the guidebooks don't tell you. You can go through all those stages at any given moment. You can be in a state of acceptance for three hours and then, out of nowhere, get completely angry. Or you can be depressed and in denial at the same time. We humans are complex creatures. So of course you can feel ok one minute and like breaking down and crying the next.

This forum is a great place for understanding. And hopefully you have someone you can talk to face-to-face.
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Postby odettesmom » Tue Nov 22, 2005 6:26 am

everything was fine sunday, but yesterday just plain broke down & apart. was reminded of things i used to be able to do and now cannot. worst is not being able to drive to get places. had asked a friend to take me and my cat to vet, but she cancelled. feel so needy and weak. just want to withdraw because i don't feel i fit in anywhere. also want to avoid asking for things because i could get turned down, and that hurts. have had dx of ms since july, but it was suspected before then. have been bouncing around the kubler-ross stages of mourning but keep getting stuck between denial and anger. now depression really hit. new question of "why me?" has hit repeatedly. hoping this is part of exacerbation and not permanent. doing only what absolutely has to be done. sleeping/resting a lot. feel drained. linda
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Re: depression

Postby kareng7 » Fri Nov 25, 2005 11:57 am

odettesmom wrote:worst is not being able to drive to get places. had asked a friend to take me and my cat to vet, but she cancelled. feel so needy and weak.

Hopefully, your friend had a good reason.

In any event, here are some ideas for you.

Can you afford to take a taxi every now and again?
Are there any ride programs in your area?
Can you speak to someone at your insurance company (assuming you have insurance) about possibilities for getting assistance with mobility, or even ride programs?
Do you qualify for Medicare, as there are programs for Medicare recipients in various states to get subsidized cab rides and also ride programs where they'll send someone to your house?
Can you contact a local MS support group who may be able to hook you up with other options for ride-sharing, etc.?
Are there other MSers on this site who live in your area that you might be able to hook up with to get some help?
Can you brainstorm some other ideas with friends/family members?
If all this is just too overwhelming for you, can you ask the person you trust the most to look into some of these options for you?

I know it's tough. You have every right to feel what you're feeling--but you also have a right to live the best possible life you can. And we care about you and we're here to help.
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