Cece wrote:So he's annoyed, makes fun, doesn't want to spend time with you and doesn't want to have sex? There are different ways of dealing with the same situation but he might well need therapy on his own or antidepressants. Not helping you with the door could be a way of denying that you're having problems with it? Denying that you need a wheelchair and not a cane, or that you couldn't walk faster if you really tried. If it's only been 90 days, then maybe there's more time needed to grasp the reality. I hope you have other people in your life that are able to be emotional support persons if your husband is not able to be emotionally there at this time.
He takes antidepressants but I don't think they are working and he refuses to seek therapy.
HarryZ wrote:My wife had MS for 35 years before she passed away in 2007. I knew she had the disease when we got married and she went about 20 years without any progression after her initial attack.(about 3 years before we got married and I had not met her at that time.)
The level level of care required increased a lot in the last few years of her life and it was indeed difficult.He takes antidepressants but I don't think they are working and he refuses to seek therapy.
Speaking from years of experience your husband has to get over this refusal to seek therapy and get himself in order. Until this happens he isn't likely to be much help to you and the situation will become more and more difficult. And he likely won't listen to your suggestions in this area so it would be great if a close friend could step in a recommend he do this.
MS places a huge strain on a relationship and you need to get all the professional help you can. It also helps to have a lot of family and friend support as well. I wish you both luck.
tzootsi wrote:I'm the husband of a woman with a mild case of PPMS. We always had a great relationship, and since her dx 7 years ago, if anything we are even closer. We've had to forgo things like hikes and skiing (we still enjoy bike rides and snowshoeing), but we still have a good life, , good friends and great daughters. True I sometimes tend to walk too fast for my wife, but I've learned to deal with what life deals us, and enjoy the great moments we continue to have together. The best way for your husband to deal with this is to realize that you are still the same person. He can also get more involved in ways to possibly help kick butt with your ms, like doing research into things like diet, CCSVI, excercise, etc. 90 days out from dx is still a very stressful time. You both will find that time may bring you back into a better relationship.
Cece wrote:Really glad to hear that you've got the sort of emotional support that you need.
If he's the introvert, then he may not have the support you have. Or he relies on you as his support. It's not good for you to hear all his fears related to MS. Some of that can be hurtful and unnecessary to share. For your sake, he should make sure to have at least one other person he can talk about this stuff with on a deep level.
I remember reading that there are five ways to combat depression but everyone only talks about the first two: Antidepressants, therapy, nutrition, exercise and being social.
Good luck. My husband dealt with my MS diagnosis better than I did, but we both reacted in different ways. He was very concerned about being the sole provider for our at-the-time growing family. I did a lot of internet research and focusing on surviving the day-to-day. It was actually worse just before getting diagnosed because he had a lot of expectations that I was not living up to, and he would say things like so-and-so's wife works full-time and takes care of the kids and housework in the evening, and why wasn't I getting anything close to that done? Yah, that hurt, because I was pushing myself so hard to do as much as I was doing.
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