Suicide

[Nostalgia56]

So I'm 28yrs old, I have MS I've known for two yrs now and noone besides my family knows I have MS NOONE; not work/school nor friends. My family don't care about me I grew up in the system,my husband of ten years could care less about me, my symptoms and what I'm feeling & going through. The night I was diagnosed he was mad he couldn't go out and celebrate New Years cuz he had to stay in the hospital with me. Celebrate what?? I just lost all my hopes & dreams. I've never felt the same towards him ever since. There's no compassion in my life. I can't have children either. so right now I'm having a hard time coming up with a reason to stay alive. I'm an LPN and in school to become a registered nurse with 6months left and I also feel like giving up on that because seriously whats the point??? Who am i working this hard for?? Nobody. I've had a very hard life since I was a born and I've never felt suicidal because nothing mattered as long as I had my health now I can no longer tell myself it'll get better like I use say as a kid, because living with MS THINGS CAN ONLY get worse.I feel stupid writing this but I'm hoping maybe someone can paint a brighter picture for me cause I've spent months trying to find the most painless way to die. At at this point nothing can change my mind.

[Scott1]

Hi,

When I was first diagnosed I was older than you are now. The reaction of everyone I knew was a bit like how the people you know are behaving. It was like they saw me as something on TV, not a real person to them and something they could switch off. The difference between you and me is I told everyone that I had MS. Not as a "look at me cry" but just as the reason I didn't do some things. I think that helped people adjust to me. They didn't care about me but they had a better chance to understand me.
As time went on, I had a period of recovery and everyone forgot (except me).
A few years ago, I had a very bad attack and all that uncaring, almost vicious, reaction resurfaced in everyone. My wife walked out on me, my workplace treated me appallingly and my insurer decided they would slash my payout. This meant years of quite tough battles and they aren't all over. I did go through all the things you are thinking about but I did find my way through it.
Part of the reason I recovered is just one person stood by me and guided me back to a better path. In my case it was my Pilates instructor. She was so important because she showed me that I could do things. She put up with me being very awkward and weak and let me explore the range of things that my body could do. Doing the Pilates gave me a chance to test myself against myself at my own pace. I changed my diet, took supplements and a few non standard MS medications and now I am a long way from thinking about the downside of MS.
I think you would benefit from trying it. In the studio you are the centre of the universe and you are not left in the corner while the world goes by. It gives you a calmness in yourself and shows that you can make a difference to how you are.
The last post on this link points to a video with me talking about why I do pilates http://www.thisisms.com/forum/regimens- ... 9-270.html .
It's definitely not supposed to be an attempt to show off. It's specifically for someone like you.
My life has not been great either but I will be 60 very soon and I wish I did the things I do now when I was your age.
Don't hide your MS. Embrace it. Imagine how powerful your nursing will be when you can reach to a patient and say "I know what you mean and this is how I live my life".

Regards,

[Zyklon]

Hello,

living with MS THINGS CAN ONLY get worse.

I don't agree with that. My life is much better after diagnosis. It changes life alot. The direction is up to you. Get some hobbies, do some sports, be more social.

I recommend you to get professional help. MS may increase mental problems. Depression is common and very easy to treat.

Take care of yourself. Shit days happen with alot of good days. Life is fun, come on ;)