I'm glad you found this site: it certainly sounds as if you and your wife are having a tough time of things, and have had for a long time. My heart goes out to you.
You didn't mention anything about the situation you are living in: I mean, do you get the help and support you both need? With such severe disability the simple daily routines of life become impossible to do without help, and the strain on you must be intolerable. I presume there must be social services where you live, or help agencies of some kind who can assist you, so if you don't get enough help at the moment perhaps finding them in the phone book would be a start.
Local MS Societies and disabled groups can also provide invaluable support and information and, if you can get to their meetings, a place to talk about your experiences and perhaps point you in the direction of a more understanding doctor.
This website might seem to be all about science, research and treatment, but there is plenty of room to talk about every aspect of MS -- the good days, the bad days; your hopes and fears; its impact on your lives and the lives of people around you -- those are things that doctors are often uncomfortable discussing because they are out of their depth, and where talking to people who share your troubles can really help,