I was sitting in my neurologist's office today reading "Neurology Today" and I read a guy that has a website called the braininjurychaplain.com. I don't know and don't care if he's Christian or not. He was basically talking about the difference between good and bad denial. The difference, he said, was that good denial was refusing to accept limits whereas unhealthy was denying that loss occured.
That' really not the point I'm trying to make, although that is what got me to read the rest. The rest of it I'll quote directly. He was talking about an article by a Dr. Brey on Richard Cohen. This is the last few paragraphs:
"As Dr. Brey's editorial points out, there is a tremendous need for people with loss of function to grieve those losses. In my experience, the five stages of grief which Dr. Brey introduces often leave people stuck at the acceptance stage. Dr. Kubler-Ross developed these stages for people who are dying. But for people whose losses are not terminal, or even immediately terminal, they often reach the acceptance stage and enter depression because they are at a loss how to proceed.
I invite you to consider the additional two stages of grief that I have added.
6.INTEGRATION: How is life different? How is it the same? Who am I now? (A huge one for me personally) OK, fine, I accept my loss, but what does it mean for me and my daily life?
7. CO-CREATION: I'm ready to contribute now. What are my passions and how can I harness them as I strive to contribute to my family, my friends,my community, my world?"
Once he gets past the Kubler-Ross stuff, it gets profound as hell if you ask me. Just reading that aloud to my wife was huge for me. It sounds like Dom is right, that guy is not gone forever. Somewhere in the middle. For me it's going to be trying my hardest to figure out what passion of mine can I do in the state I'm in and start contributing in a way that makes me feel good about myself. Right now I realize that a huge amount of my self esteem is from the physical. I WAS a really good racquetball player and golfer, an avid runner, the uncle always on the ground with the kids, the guy in the office not afraid to get on top of the 2 story press, and I know you were like that too from your past posts.
Grump you know that I would never say "You should do this, or You should do that", but that stuff that the guy said hit me so hard, and right when I needed it. Maybe you can try and find out what you CAN do that will make you and yours happy in a way that you can keep going with your limitations. I don't know bro, sorry if I came across as preachy, but you always find a way to say what I need to hear. YOU are still there.