Matz's rule regarding medications: A drug is a substance which, when injected into a rat, will produce a scientific report.
Tenenbaum's law of replicability: The most interesting results happen only once.
"After two years of trying, scientists at the Yerkes Regional Primate center have managed to get a chimpanzee pregnant." - Scientist, December 26, 1988.
"Sexist terminology in chemistry should be combated by changing helium to he/shelium, manganese to personganese and mendelevium to peopledelevium." - From a citation from the American Journal of Irreproducible Results as reproduced in New Scientist, 27 November 1986, page 80.
Vesilind's laws of experimentation:
1. If reproducibility may be a problem, conduct the test only once.
2. If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points.
"So much effort and expense went into developing the software for the F-18 fighter jet that when experts found discrepancies between the software and the plane, the plane -not the software- was modified." - The Sciences 27:22(1987).
"The human brain is divided into two sections, one verbal and logical which scientists employ when writing papers, the other visual and impressionistic which they use in writing grant applications." -
"Albert the experimental rat", David Austin, New Scientist, 25 Feb. 1989.
Rule of accuracy: When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer
Fett's law of the lab: Never replicate a successful experiment.
Wyszowski's first law: No experiment is reproducible.