Hello everyone

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Hello everyone

Postby Metalhead118 » Sun May 13, 2012 9:29 am

Hello, my name is Mark, and my mother has been diagnosed with progressive MS since I was nine years old (I am now 21). When she was first diagnosed, she was normal and acting the no different than she had for my whole life up to that point. Around when I turned thirteen, her mood drastically changed. She was furious at nothing most days and yelled at me with hateful slurs on her worst bouts of rage. This "Rage Period" lasted for about a year, scaring me to the point where I did not want to go home with her when she picked me up from the private school (Milton Hershey school) I lived in.

After this phase ended, she began to act strangely. At the time, I thought she was just trying to bond with me by listening to same music as me and acting "childish". In fact, her mind was regressing back to a child-like state. By the time I was sixteen, her mental state was that of a four-year-old.

This regression always struck me as weird, because her poor cognitive skills and difficulty walking did not happen until this regression was complete. Actually, she was able to walk rather well until my grandmother put her in a nursing home in Feb. of 2011.Only after we brought her home Christmas Day of the same year did we have to transport her using a wheelchair.

I have always felt like this was unfair. The periodical I used to get, Keep on Smilin', always had stories of parents with MS that were confined to wheelchairs and canes, but they were able to live relatively normal lives. This usually left me enraged, so I terminated my subscription.

As of now, I've been my mom's in-home caretaker with a payroll through a home care taking agency stationed in Erie, Pennsylvania call Voices for Independence. I have been taking care of her since I was eighteen after I dropped out of high school and received my GED.

On a more personal note, I've always felt that my mother's rapid downhill progression with the disease was my fault. I've always thought, "If I did not cause my mom so much stress early on in the disease, maybe the MS wouldn't have fucked her up so much now". Though my therapist contributes this self loathing to my mental illnesses, there are days where I truly believe that my mom's current mental state is my doing.

Anyways, I hope through this forum I can get help for myself and, more importantly, my mother. I also hope to make some friends who actually life on this side of the fence.

One love and take care,
Mark
Metalhead118
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Re: Hello everyone

Postby lyndacarol » Sun May 13, 2012 4:36 pm

Welcome to ThisIsMS, Mark. You have found a group of new friends who live and understand part of your situation. It is unfair! I think that many of us admire you for the obvious love you have for your mother (especially on this Mother's Day); I think I speak for your mother and others here who would be proud to have a son like you.

Undoubtedly, the sadness in your life has made you into a compassionate person. You (or anything you might have said or done as a child or teenager) had absolutely nothing to do with your mother's disease or rapid deterioration! (Your therapist MUST know that children often have such thoughts; I question his diagnosis of mental illnesses.) If you plan to continue to participate in your mother's life and care, your mission must be, first, to take the best possible care of yourself, follow a healthy lifestyle, eat a healthy diet, exercise – you have a heavy burden, but I feel you have the necessary strength and abilities to handle it.

I am impressed that you would seek us out for help with your mother and you yourself. There is lots of information on this website (I encourage you to read, read, read.); there are lots of people who will try to answer any questions that you have. We are good at simply listening if you need to express your thoughts.

Welcome again, I wish you all the best.
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Re: Hello everyone

Postby FLJhawk » Tue May 15, 2012 7:26 pm

I wonder if there is more than MS at play here but, depending upon where the disease strikes, I guess these symptoms are possible. Anyway, of course, your actions or inactions had nothing to do with your mother's decline. Stress may bring on attacks, but clearly your mother was rapidly growing downhill and had absolutely nothing to do with you. Please don't blame yourself, blame the disease.

You are showing the dark side of MS - the impact a really bad case of MS can have on others. It is a shame it has impacted your school and life to this extent at such a young age. Your mother is very lucky to have you for a son.
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