New to forum, not to MS

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New to forum, not to MS

Postby segan » Fri Aug 22, 2008 5:05 pm

Hi all.

First, let me start by saying that this is my first venture into an MS forum. I was diagnosed several years ago and have been handling things pretty well on my own, but I have come to realize that I just *might* need the support offered by such a community as this :D .

On a Monday in late September 2004, I woke up with a numb pinky and ring finger on my right hand. On Tuesday, it spread to the middle finger; I spent a lot of my workday massaging my fingers, simply citing poor circulation. By Thursday, it had taken over my right hand and was spreading up to my forearm, but I was prepared to deal with it. I was 24 and very healthy (so I thought), and didn't see a need to go to a doctor. On Friday it began to affect my typing accuracy; I can easily type over 80 wpm with 97% accuracy, and I was making too many mistakes to ignore. Beyond that, the numbness had coursed through the entire arm and now invaded my midsection on the right side.

I called my primary physician, explained my dilemma and she instructed my to head to an ER. I left work and was there by noon, and after they had run CAT scans without explanation and I was still there at 6 pm, I knew I had a problem. My mother came to the hospital and had only been there for 10 minutes when the attending physician slipped behind the curtain to inform me that they believed I had MS.

I said nothing as wheelchairs and crutches danced in my head; my blood ran cold, as cold as the fingers on my right hand had become. My mom asked questions, but to this day I have no idea what she said and what the answers were. I retreated inside myself and stayed there for a while; a long while.

I was furious, I hated the idea that something was wrong with me that NO ONE in my family had, and I hated that no one could fix it for me. I was angry that I needed to stay in the hospital and be used as a guinea pig, and make multiple appointments for primary and neurological care when I finally got out, and take a ton of steroids to get myself back to normal. I was beside myself that I couldn't go back to work for a month, and had to be driven everywhere (Doc wouldn't sign a release for that), and have tons of tests run. I hated the way my family looked at me, and the fact that my parents cried, and even my hard-as-nails uncle shed a tear.

I was horrible, difficult and bratty. I didn't want anyone to feel sorry for me, and I hated them if they did. I was mean. I refused to do treatments until the beginning of the New Year ~ I just wanted to be *normal* heading into 2005. Once the new year hit, I wanted to be left alone. My mother had finally had enough, and no matter how mean I was to her, she wouldn't let up.

I've taken Avonex all the way through, never anythiing else. In the beginning, I thought I would die the side effects were so bad but I wouldn't talk about it. I still, even right now, don't know why.

I've made it to 28 years old, and I'm a lot wiser now. I've been consistent with my shots, and haven't had a relapse since. I'm accepting the fact that I have MS, and I refuse to allow it to get the best of me. I handle my own injections now, and there are rarely any side effects. I do the best that I can with what I have, and I'm dedicated to finding a cure. Most people don't even know I have MS ~ and I want to keep it that way.

I'm not sure what brought me here, but ... I'm glad I am. Sorry this is so long, but this is only the 1st time I've told my story in detail (I've always excelled in creative writing :lol: ). I'm actually kind of tearing up ...
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segan
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Postby Lyon » Mon Aug 25, 2008 6:01 am

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Last edited by Lyon on Sun Nov 27, 2011 2:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby jimmylegs » Thu Aug 28, 2008 6:07 am

you do certainly write like a story-teller segan! welcome to the forums. your story sounds a litlle like mine, the part with the numbness creeping across the hand. did it go away, with the steroid treatment?
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