50% Anger, 50% Denial

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50% Anger, 50% Denial

Postby Karazhan » Mon Mar 30, 2009 5:16 am

I'm a 41 year old female with a wonderfully supportive husband and teenage son. I was diagnosed in Jan of this year after being blindsided (pun intended) by ON. Yeah, I'd heard of MS (it was the one I always got mixed up with MD) but I didn't know the first thing about it.
In February (when I could finally read a paragraph in under 2 minutes), I found this forum and I thought "no, no, I'm not one of THOSE people". My neuro sent me to a psychologist for a cognitive baseline.....cognitive baseline??? what the hell??? I had to draw pictures, I couldn't draw before MS. Oh, and the math section. She asked what 5x13 is, I said "I don't know", she said "take a few seconds and think about it", I said "I still don't know". Maybe everyone else in the world would know that instantly but for anything beyond the basic x table, i require pen and paper (possibly a calculator). She made me feel like I'd already lost most of my cognitive abilities, she also sensed hostility but felt it was due to anxiety. well duh!
Then there are my "angry" nights, every Monday, Wednesday and Friday I find myself tense and bitchy just before shot time.
I do believe I'll accept things eventually and settle down.I know I should be thankful that it isn't much worse, I know I'm acting like a child throwing a tantrum, but knowing that doesn't make me any less angry.
Thank you for providing a place to vent.
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Re: 50% Anger, 50% Denial

Postby Needled » Mon Mar 30, 2009 6:36 am

Karazhan wrote:I do believe I'll accept things eventually and settle down.I know I should be thankful that it isn't much worse, I know I'm acting like a child throwing a tantrum, but knowing that doesn't make me any less angry.


Hi Karazhan,
You found the right place. Things will eventually settle down into some kind of pattern, as they have for most of us. But I can still throw a tantrum that would make a 2-year old proud. They're usually brought on by a shot that hurts, a problem with insurance, or an increase in the price of Copaxone. I always feel better after, but I do try to do it when no one's around. :lol: I'm sure there are people who would say if I could confine my tense and bitchy times to just three nights a weeks, it would be a major improvement for me!!
The way I look at it, we have more than our fair share of things to rant and rave about, and we're more than entitled to our very own pity party now and again. Hang in there!
Needled
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Postby catfreak » Mon Mar 30, 2009 6:46 am

Karazhan,

Welcome to TIMS! We all understand exactly what you are feeling. As I have said before there are so many emotions that go along with MS.

:cry: 8O :x :oops: :cry: :? :evil: :x :x :x :x :x :x :? :? :? :? 8O 8O 8O 8O :( :( :( :cry: :cry: :x :x :x :x :x

Just to show you a few.

If they had sent me for a cognative test I would have failed miserably! I can't draw a stickman, I can't spell without spell checker, I can't add without a calculator and I can't remember where I peed last on most days! 8O 8O But I was that way before the MS! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

And the anger, well I told my neuro that I wanted to hurt somebody - bad. I was not a threat to myself but I was a threat to others!! 8) I am somewhat better now - with more meds. I even had a sign outside my office door at work that said "When I snap, you will be the first to go" :twisted:

Just remember we are all here for your support and you can ask or tell any this here an nobody will judge you!

CF

:twisted: :twisted:
Holly - Shine On You Crazy Diamond - Pink Floyd

9/3/09 Stanford - Dr Dake - Stent in R-J to unblock Arachnoid Cyst in Sigmoid Sinus. Stent in narrowed L-J. Balloon in narrowing where R & L Jugulars meet.
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Postby westwood » Tue Mar 31, 2009 2:18 am

Hi there, I am also 41 year old female. Been DX 5 years and there is not a day goes by when I dont look outside and feel angry. This illness has ruined my life and I am most angry that it has affected my kids childhood.

Nearly every sentence I say 'if I didnt have Ms we would be doing this or doing that'.......they dont listen anymore! Just had a relapse and going to work today which I am panicking about. Another one of my quotes 'if I won the lottery'....

My kids tell me 'you are my mum and you are alive and that is all we want'. I think that line is what keeps me going and also everyone telling me that modern medicine is advancing all the time.

No-one deserves this illness. Rant and rave all you want you have every right too. Wishing you all the best for the future.
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Postby Bubba » Tue Mar 31, 2009 9:33 am

When I went back to my neuro, he said I was 50% denial and 50% angry then prescribed me Prozac? All because I was educating myself on MS...
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Postby SunnyDay » Fri Apr 24, 2009 11:12 pm

I think we all need to find a supportive neurologist who really listens. Mine is just awesome and has such a positive outlook for me, that I can't help but me more positive about my own outcome. If you don't find someone you feel has compassion and respect for what you are going through, I urge you to find someone else!
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