I was doing an internet search on MS and enlightenment. I had two odd, very odd, occurrences prior to the one I am writing about. I was a licensed, board certified mental health professional, with diagnostic and prescriptive authority some time ago. I was good at it though, and I am quite sure I am in full control of my senses. I also was a practicing Buddhist, but it has been years. Following those two distinctly odd events, I experienced enlightenment. It is so strange, I keep looking for some reason I would obtain the state I am in. I am not sure I deserve to feel this way. I am always happy, most always. Things still happen, but they are short lived and I know that. How could I deserve this. I know, real or not, it is a blessing. I know things that would be tedious to hear, but I know them. Death is nothing, just a part of birth. I have no fear of it, or anything else for that matter. No depression, no anxiety, no anticipation of ill, or happy events.
I do have a cerebral lesion. I thought perhaps... . I still have terrible pain and fatigue. After a poor exam at the neurologist I just started Yoga and Meditation. It's so nice to enjoy those things again, regardless of the price at times. Preceding the realization I am writing about, I stopped my opioid pain medication. I had been on it a long, long time, too long, it was a high dose. I didn't like that all I thought about was me. I had always been a healer. That is what I considered myself. At the end of my work life I was so upset. I had put so much, my entire life it seemed, into my career. I was so focused on my needs I couldn't or wouldn't meet the needs of my family. It was a crisis for me, a huge crisis. I talked to the place where I live. I know it sounds strange, but it is a beautiful place, I love it and it is singularly isolated. I did not look strange, because no one, that I know of, could hear me or see me. I asked for direction and worked hard to regain my sense of being. That is when strange things began to happen, it did take a while though. Then, boom. I am careful to take good care of my family now. I do work till exhaustion, but I am that way. I am so very happy. Times were hard beyond my imagining. Now they are not. This is outside any hope or idea I could have had. I am eternally happy.