Relationships?

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Relationships?

Postby mattalleng » Mon Nov 22, 2010 4:37 pm

So I am curious, how many people out there have got into a relationship after their diagnosis that has been so far successful? I wonder because my first exacerbation was somewhat responsible for the ending of my last relationship and now I find myself wondering every now and then if I will ever meet someone who will accept me with my disease and I wonder if anyone should even have to deal with this but me, I guess ultimately I wonder, will I always be alone?

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Postby britney » Wed Nov 24, 2010 11:21 pm

I wonder the same sometimes, I'm 23, diagnosed at 12. The dating thing has never been easy, especially middle school/high school when my health was not so great.

I've been relapse-free for nearly three years, I healthy and happy! I don't anticipate another attack since I've been taking care of myself with diet and acupuncture, sometimes I don't even feel like I even have MS.

I've always been a private person and, since I've been healthy for so long, few people know about my having MS. I fear being exposed in a relationship and, again, being left for something out of my control. I automatically think guys won't be able to handle me once they know I have MS so I write them off pretty quickly. Man, I need help! I would be interested in hearing how others have done with dating.
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Postby mattalleng » Thu Nov 25, 2010 7:48 am

britney wrote:I wonder the same sometimes, I'm 23, diagnosed at 12. The dating thing has never been easy, especially middle school/high school when my health was not so great.

I've been relapse-free for nearly three years, I healthy and happy! I don't anticipate another attack since I've been taking care of myself with diet and acupuncture, sometimes I don't even feel like I even have MS.

I've always been a private person and, since I've been healthy for so long, few people know about my having MS. I fear being exposed in a relationship and, again, being left for something out of my control. I automatically think guys won't be able to handle me once they know I have MS so I write them off pretty quickly. Man, I need help! I would be interested in hearing how others have done with dating.


Wow! Diagnosed at 12???? I couldn't begin to imagine going through what I'm going through now that young!

As far as the relationship thing is concerned my only opinion would be that you should avoid "tricking" someone into a relationship, by which I mean, don't let them fall in love with you and then two years later find out you have MS, that will cause some problems lol, I don't think that it's fair but again, THAT IS JUST MY OPINION, everyone has to do what they think is right for them.

MY SECOND OPINION LOL: I think as a woman you have a better chance of finding someone who will love you and take care of you even when you are sick but as a man I don't think my chances of finding someone like that are as good because what woman wants to get involved with a semi-disabled guy?...

I always told my ex-girlfriend that if the tables had turned and IT WAS HER who had got MS that I would have been by her side taking care of her, comforting her, and loving her 24/7 but she told me that was unrealistic... She couldn't be there for me the way I Needed her to be, and so, I left her because I know there is someone else out there who will show me just a little bit more love than that but of course I wonder will I ever find them and how long will it be before I do find them?
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Postby SandyK » Thu Nov 25, 2010 10:48 pm

Hi. I was diagnosed 17 years ago. At the time I was in college, married, and had a 3 year old. Fast forward to 2001. I am now a college grad, divorced, and my daughter is 11. I met a man who thought MS made me part of Jerry's Kids! He doesn't know me without MS and yet he loves me. We dated for 9 years before I finally agreed to marry him. My MS is progressing really fast at this stage in my life and we tackle it together.

People do exist who can love and give. Do not give up. If I could make a carbon copy of my husband I would do so. Remember that a large part of a person's strength comes from inside.
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Postby mattalleng » Fri Nov 26, 2010 12:59 pm

SandyK wrote:Hi. I was diagnosed 17 years ago. At the time I was in college, married, and had a 3 year old. Fast forward to 2001. I am now a college grad, divorced, and my daughter is 11. I met a man who thought MS made me part of Jerry's Kids! He doesn't know me without MS and yet he loves me. We dated for 9 years before I finally agreed to marry him. My MS is progressing really fast at this stage in my life and we tackle it together.

People do exist who can love and give. Do not give up. If I could make a carbon copy of my husband I would do so. Remember that a large part of a person's strength comes from inside.


This has inspired me, suppose I am just impatient.
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Postby britney » Sat Nov 27, 2010 1:27 am

mattalleng wrote:
britney wrote: I always told my ex-girlfriend that if the tables had turned and IT WAS HER who had got MS that I would have been by her side taking care of her, comforting her, and loving her 24/7 but she told me that was unrealistic... She couldn't be there for me the way I Needed her to be, and so, I left her because I know there is someone else out there who will show me just a little bit more love than that but of course I wonder will I ever find them and how long will it be before I do find them?


Kinda funny, I had a similar conversation with an ex boyfriend. So, I find it interesting that you feel like a girl would never want to be with you. Maybe it is the quality of people we are dating? I know that is true on my part.

I decided to be selfish a couple years ago and worry about taking care of myself instead of trying to date someone. Needless to say I've been single for three years BUT I'm symptom free and I never thought I'd say that, ever. I feel like having MS has opened my eyes and I see people differently. People make me feel bad sometimes because they just don't get why I'm still single but they will really never be able to get it.
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Postby mattalleng » Sat Nov 27, 2010 2:11 pm

britney wrote:
mattalleng wrote:
britney wrote: I always told my ex-girlfriend that if the tables had turned and IT WAS HER who had got MS that I would have been by her side taking care of her, comforting her, and loving her 24/7 but she told me that was unrealistic... She couldn't be there for me the way I Needed her to be, and so, I left her because I know there is someone else out there who will show me just a little bit more love than that but of course I wonder will I ever find them and how long will it be before I do find them?


Kinda funny, I had a similar conversation with an ex boyfriend. So, I find it interesting that you feel like a girl would never want to be with you. Maybe it is the quality of people we are dating? I know that is true on my part.

I decided to be selfish a couple years ago and worry about taking care of myself instead of trying to date someone. Needless to say I've been single for three years BUT I'm symptom free and I never thought I'd say that, ever. I feel like having MS has opened my eyes and I see people differently. People make me feel bad sometimes because they just don't get why I'm still single but they will really never be able to get it.


Well, the thing with my X is that she truly is a good person, she has a good heart but how she uses it is different from how I use mine.... We just had different views on love I guess... I am not justifying her actions, I am definitely full of resentment, but I somewhat understand so I dont hate her guts lol...

MS has definitely allowed me to see people's true colors which is why I feel the way I do, I just have a hard time beveling that there is any girl out there sincere enough to love and accept me with my condition, people now days are so shallow it seams but the only thing that gives me hope is the fact that there are so many people in this world, there has to be at least ONE girl out there who feels the way I do about love, I don't know...
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Postby Stabilo » Wed Dec 15, 2010 2:17 pm

mattalleng wrote:I just have a hard time beveling that there is any girl out there sincere enough to love and accept me with my condition, people now days are so shallow it seams but the only thing that gives me hope is the fact that there are so many people in this world, there has to be at least ONE girl out there who feels the way I do about love, I don't know...


You are so right about people these days being shallow, but the fact of the matter is - don't make room for these people in your life and you'll feel a heck of a lot better. Since my dx I have filtered my list of friends, or rather they did that for me. I miss a lot of people, but I have no regrets. You will find her! Don't give up hope! The way that you express yourself makes me feel as though you are a very sincere, caring, all around wonderful person. These qualities are something every woman dreams of :) Chin up and take care
"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
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Postby mattalleng » Wed Dec 15, 2010 4:00 pm

thankyou,
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Postby fishee2 » Wed Jan 12, 2011 9:19 am

Kind of late to the topic, but I just wanted to let you know it is possible to meet the right person, even with MS.

I had my first issues in high school with MS. I started dating my now wife, freshman year of college, she kind of knew I had some medical issues going into it. I wasn't officially diagnosed until later that same year, and she was supportive the whole time. I didn't really ask much of her, I am kind of independent like that I guess, when it comes to medical stuff at least. Well we dated all through college, and were married the summer after we graduated, we have a daughter now even. So don't think its impossible to find someone, someone is out there you just have to meet them.
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