Suicide

[Txaamsm32]

in a way i kind of get it you know wanting to end it and not be a burden on friends and family. when i was diagnosed last year the first thing that came to my mind was i dont want to put the people i love through having to take time out of their lives to do stuff for us that we cant do on our own anymore. where i live when an elder or someone is sick we take care of them. my grandmother had dementia/alzheimers and we moved her into my aunts me my aunt uncle took care of her until she was bed ridden and passed away. i loved being there for the woman who raised me an taking care of her but i saw the toll it took on my aunt, uncle and rest of the family. they were exhausted and cranky alot of the time so i took over more time in prepping her meals and feeding her when she couldnt anymore. i felt man i dont want to put my famly through that again i didnt want to be a burden. i was deeply depressed the past year i binge drank alot since last april/may right up until new years. bottles of vodka were drank like they were water for a guy dying of thirst. i pushed friends away alot of friends. and been avoiding family as much as possible. and on one of my hangover days i was watching some tv a few movies and i came across a show, i was always a huge superman fan growing up i grew up on the christopher reeves superman movies and dc cartoons. and i came across all star superman in the animated movie superman is dying his body absorbed too much sun and hes got a little time before his body wastes away, hes saddened by it for sure but with the short time he has left he spends it with the people he loves, does his best to make the world a better place and makes peace with his greatest enemy.
and to be honest it kinda inspired me, might sound weird and childish to alot but it made me think you know as long as im cognitive and mobile im going to do as much as i can for the people around me to make life better if im able to help. i started taking the dr's and nurses advice on what vitamins to take ive started a workout regimen, i want to get back into basketball shape again and win my village a championship while i can im going to apply to teach in our school again this coming fall, and in a few years may run for counsel/mayor. i dont know if this will help you while you but im dealing with spasticity and nerve pain,so much else and yeah it hurts and its hard to sleep at night. but i want to hold on and do what i can while i can alot can happen in the coming years, who knows there maybe a break through i know alot hold on to that hope. i just hope you keep fighting,
as for religion i think it has its good points im not a very religious sort but i do believe in the power of faith its a powerful thing and it doesnt just work for religious people. faith in your meds faith in your doctors and regimens are a great thing to have. if you truly believe something will help it goes a long way with how effective the treatments can be the mind is a very powerful thing. train it have faith in yourself and what youre going through will improve.
for everyone on this forum and everyone dealing with MS i believe in you all and wish you nothing but the best. keep fighting and giving life your all

[robbie]

u just got diagnosed your battle has just begun save the vodka and the suicide talk for a time when your just really living without a life.

[robbie]

when your stuck in that dark place and all you can do is dream this always brings a smile may be it will bring a smile to some else that might be there too

[1eye]

It might be a reason to live: to outlast Trump.

There is new legislation in Canada, that allows physician-assisted suicide. You have to have all your marbles, and be terminal. Having MS means you may not qualify for either. I can see your point of view. No matter what else happens, a lot of my reason for living is already gone. It is a very hard thing to replace, but it can be done.

The situation worsens when the government cuts back on care. There is a movement to get rid of 15-minute limits on PSW visits, so the carers will have more caring time, time for showers, etc.

This affects everybody. The lucky ones all get older. No one wants to be a burden.

When your reasons for living are gone, try to find new ones. Let people on ThisIsMS know how it is going. They, if anyone, might know what you are talking about. "If I ever lose my mouth, I won't have to talk no more." (Cat Stevens)

For pain, I know remedies can harm you. ibuprophen is bad for kidneys, acetaminophen is bad for liver, opiates are addictive. I alternate. sativex helps pain somewhat, and spasms. Light laxatives and the usual remedies help the constipation caused by opiates. Also this is helped by biotin, which you can buy in bulk and make your own caps of 300 mg. You may get hair & nail growth you weren't expecting. I use rice bran as filler, which has some vitamin B. biotin is supposed to help progression. Nothing can fix us until we know the cause. Good luck and keep fighting.

[1eye]

I'm convinced those doctors and insurance people who architected this physician-assisted suicide law, are some of them sub-human. I just heard an article about a guy who had one of the diseases that the Canadian government will not allow the sufferers of, to have physician-assisted suicide.

While I would never encourage it, this guy's attitude was: I don't want to die, but I don't want the disease more.

Because this guy could never be both predictably terminal and be mentally competent at the same time, he could never get physician-assisted suicide under the new law in Canada. So he could not, say, sign all the paperwork (and there is a lot) when he had all his marbles, and get the procedure later on when he didn't. So he had to either go to a more civiilized country (Switzerland) or find someone who would do it illegally. He did the latter.

I am sure MS is on this list of prohibited diseases. MS sufferers are used to this kind of second-class treatment.

Meanwhile lots of people are dying every week, from Fentanyl overdoses. It might be an idea to have a loved one keep a few doses in reserve, for a rainy day.

I expect the CBC has made the show available on their web site. It's pretty sad.

[robbie]

"It might be an idea to have a loved one keep a few doses in reserve, for a rainy day."

Sad but true, it helps dealing with the progression of ms if you know there's a way out of this nightmare.

[Stillhaha]

Thoughts of taking my life came, and went. Ending up like Annette Funicello prompted my thoughts in that area, to be honest.

New information, such as laser / light therapy for MS, keeps me going. The odds of me ever climbing a tree again are up there with winning the Powerball Lottery, but I accept the good news that finds its way to me.

[purpleberry]

I personally will not choose death even if it results in significant disability for me. This is my preferred choice - I will make a plan for good care and pain management instead. I understand some people will not want to live in the severe advanced stages. Entirely up to you.

[purpleberry]

Thoughts of taking my life came, and went. Ending up like Annette Funicello prompted my thoughts in that area, to be honest.

New information, such as laser / light therapy for MS, keeps me going. The odds of me ever climbing a tree again are up there with winning the Powerball Lottery, but I accept the good news that finds its way to me.

I watched her infamous video too after I was diagnosed a few months ago. It was extremely disturbing I'll admit.

[msinsacramento]

I am soooooooo sad and depressed. I stopped working due to complications related to MS. I have been on state disability since May 2017 which runs out after a year May 2018. I have applied for social security disability income for the long term. I loved the type of work I did and felt like I was somebody. Now that I can no longer work mentally and or physically, I just can't seem to find the will to live. Because I have not actually quit working but on disability for a year I was able to keep the small amount of life insurance I have through work. I have had this life insurance through work since 2007. The suicide exclusion only applies for the first 2 years which has now expired which means suicide is now covered under my life insurance. My wife has had the small amount of life insurance she has had though work for over 2 years now. I have purchased my suicide knife 3 years ago which I was going to do it then but did not. I have been studying to try and figure out the best veins to cut to end it as fast as possible just slit the veins in your neck not your wrist. There are some vacant fields and streets around the corner where I can do this in the middle of the night and would be found first thing in the morning by the construction workers building houses. Now I just need to build up the "courage" & will to do this. All I can do is play this day by day trying so hard to actually get the job done. This is all I thought about for the last 5 years and now that I have been off work for almost six months now I need to hurry up and get the job done! I really need to stop waiting!!. I really need the will and courage to end my pain and suffering. The pain and suffering is to much to bear. I am 44 years old I have lived long enough!!!

[Scott1]

Hi,

Its nearly a year since you raised this. At the time you talked about the pain but never really got to the details of it. I did ask would you feel like this if the pain wasn't there? Can we talk about it as it is the issue you keep coming back to.

I respect your right to consider your situation this way but I'm not so sure that insurance companies are so keen to agree with you about what their cover means. From personal experience I have three years in the court process to get a resolution and it is ongoing. I also can no longer work but I am not in the pain you talk of.

What you are talking of doing may be hard for you but it will be very difficult for the people who love you. Sometimes they don't tell you that but it doesn't mean they don't feel it.

You are a clear, thoughtful individual and you can make a contribution to others by working through this and showing others how its done. Many here will help with that.

Regards,

[msinsacramento]

Thank you for your message. I am in a lot of pain. If the pain was gone I would still feel the same way. It's the disability in addition to the pain that is driving me to having the need to end it. My family is fully aware of my desire to end it. There is nothing anyone can say to change my mind and they know this.

[jimmylegs]

location/intensity/type of pain? nature/degree/duration of mental and physical disability?

[Scott1]

Hi,

Pain and disability can go hand in hand. Relieving the pain without resorting to palliatives like pills can have the added benefit of lifting the burden of disability.

I do feel you owe it to yourself and others to explore this.

Without elaborating, I have been down this path and it isn't any fun at all. There is huge problem when you can't put into words the depth of the emotions and the sensations you are dealing with. There just aren't words that do it.

How disabled are you and what sort of pain is it? There are many kinds of pain.

Regards,

[1eye]

I recuse myself. A friend's son died today, probably from an overdose, but the real words for it are opiate poisoning. I hope he rests in peace. When I need to suicide I think it will be no problem, as long as I stay away from official channels.