It's terrifying. Once the snow globe housing the blissful ignorance of your mortality is smashed, you can't undo it. It's out. We deal with it.
Get off the Internet. Just stop it. It's the worst thing you can do. If you're looking for potential bad news, you won't be able to click around fast enough. And if you are looking for good news regarding MS, unfortunately, you likely aren't going to find any. But it's best to put it away for a while, let yourself absorb, and then figure out how to move forward. The dizzying heights of desperate panic probably isn't the best time to make important life decisions.
When you've calmed down a bit, look into the possibilities with a more discerning eye. Could it be something else? Do you have a firm MS diagnosis? If you do, what possibilities have you tried for treatment? There are some drug options. This site has a bounty of information regarding vitamins, dietary changes, exercise, and other alternative/supplementary options. Make some changes, assess the progress, and adjust. Maybe you'll find some improvements, maybe you won't. And maybe you'll learn something about your ability to forge ahead in the process.
And take some time to do something you love or something you always wanted to do. There will be enough time to deal with problems. This isn't even an "MS thing", or a "disease thing", but just as a human. Your time might be short, your time might be long, but no ones time is infinite. You only get one spin on the Earth ride... don't let the gravity of a moment's thoughts prevent you from making it a good one.
Hi Phoenix1991.Phoenix1991 wrote:I'm a 23 year old male. After a rough couple of years I finally stabilized this summer and started to feel better about myself. I l started to fast and lost like 25 pounds in September. That's when I started to notice my left foot was falling asleep very easily, I also had a slight lhermittes. Also weird,feelings like burning in my back and my hand. Sometimes I would have to put my hand on the stoop handle outside the door to cool it down. I wasnt worrying too much because the lhermittes was barely noticeable. Then I noticed my leg up to my knee felt way worse and numb in the shower or when I was in an 80 degree heated room. Then I started worrying. I began to become insane once I started having trouble peeing. Now it feels like my left leg is weaker than my right. I had a cspine come back negative but my brain Mri showed a small foci in my corona radiata. Blood work was clean. Listen, I could live with Rrms, but I don't feel like I ever had a relapse. Everything points to ppms. The lesion was nonenhancing. I Am not a brave person. I could not live in a wheelchair the rest of my life. I want to die. I've been in my bed googling ppms for days on end and it seems exactly like what I have. I feel like my life is over
It sounds like you are feeling hopeless.
This feeling is coming from your beliefs, thoughts and what you are focusing on.
This feeling of hopelessness is not a result of what is happening now, but instead what you think will happen in the future.
I would consult with an expert before feeling so certain about your future (and ending it).
1) There is no rush, right? You can always do it later, if you still really want to.
2) Suicide would take others down with you.
Start, at least, to do something that you enjoy, think you might enjoy, or something you used to enjoy; this is certainly NOT researching diseases. Do some thing. Your life could be gone soon from suicide, so you might like to get your fun in before it is too late.
I wish you the best,
pursue optimal self care at least as actively as a diagnosis
ask for referrals to preventive health care specialists eg dietitians
don't let suboptimal self care muddy any underlying diagnostic picture!