Any other control freaks out there?

[surfbird]

Does anyone have any stories or advice to share on coping with the diagnosis, and how to overcome feelings of helplessness and lack of control?

I was diagnosed in July 2010, and thought I was doing OK with everything. Since onset, I haven't have many symptoms and have resumed life as normal other than having to do my injection every other day.

however, I've recently come to terms that I haven't been as happy as I was before I got diagnosed. I put on a great act and all, but as my husband put it, it's like there is an asterisk next to everything...I have MS. It's always in the back of my mind as something to worry or think about, even though really, I shouldn't. I am taking better care of myself than ever before, my symptoms are gone, and the shots are a minor nuisance, like shaving. I feel grateful that I can even get the shots at all!

But, as a control freak who doesn't do well with uncertainty, this is hard on me and I haven't fully come to terms with the diagnosis. I've projected these feelings into other areas of my life and am desperately overcompensating by gripping the reins tighter in any area of my future that I can.

I want to be able to roll with the punches, as it would help in lots of other areas of life too! I don't want to be depressed or focused the "what ifs" of MS. How do I move past this?

And yes, I am seeing a therapist, but would love to hear first-hand advice as well as hers. Thanks in advance...

[Wonderfulworld]

Hey Surfbird
know what you mean. I am over 12 years diagnosed now but can remember the 'it can't be happening to ME' feeling. I notice you are about 7/8 months diagnosed.....it was about 6 months after diagnosis that I kind of fell apart. Everyone said how well I was coping when I was diagnosed, how quickly I got back to 'normal', how I seemed to be taking it all in my stride. Then, when everyone was satisfied that I was ok, I quietly fell apart. I had a bout of depression, took the meds, got over it. I also saw a therapist, like you are doing. I don't know if what happened me is the same thing that's happening you now but all I know is that the anger at getting lumbered with MS came out as depression in me 6 months later.
MS is a big deal to deal with, even if you are doing well now. There's a loss of your sense of self, the life-plan you might have had, an uncertainty about the future and what it might bring. Go easy on yourself. It takes a long time to adjust to living with the MonSter. Keep in touch with us here and hope you continue to do really well.

[tara97]

do some research on enlightenment and metaphysics (not medatation thats different). it is very difficult to way out what you have control over. our intellect grabs hold of our emotions and creates the ego and we loose the ability to truely understand what is in our capacity to control and how to control it. let go. if need be ask god to help you let go. what ever works but when you let go you will be given a new perspective on what you really do have control over. it will all seem so logical. you will be able to understand what you dont have control over and you learn not to allow those things into your head because it eats up all your cortisol. what you are really letting go of is the ego who is hungry for a grasp of control over anything.
the fact is that we are all gonna die. looking to what MS will become for you is pointless and will actually make you worse since the stress hormone also supresses the immune system and you can actually become adrenally exhausted this way. face your death. examine it and then let it go as something you dont have control over. as something that can be off in the future or tomorrow and so it is the moment that we are in that really exists. isnt it?

[NHE]

From another lifetime ago from before I was diagnosed with MS...

Let Go...

to “let go” does not mean to stop caring it means I can’t do it for
someone else.

to “let go” is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization I can’t
control another.

to “let go” is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural
consequences.

to “let go” is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in
my hands.

to “let go” is not to try to change or blame another, it’s to make the
most of myself.

to “let go” is not to care for, but to care about.

to “let go” is not to fix, but to be supportive.

to “let go” is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

to “let go” is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes but to
allow others to affect their destinies.

to “let go” is not to be protective, it’s to permit another to face
reality.

to “let go” is not to deny, but to accept.

to “let go” is not to nag, scold or argue. but instead to search out my
own shortcomings and correct them.

to “let go” is not to adjust everything to my desires but to take each
day as it comes, and cherish myself in it.

to “let go” is not to criticize and regulate anybody but to try to
become what I dream I can be.

to “let go” is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the
future.

to “let go” is to fear less, and love more.
- author unknown

[Wonderfulworld]

Well said NHE, I'm going to print that out and stick it on my fridge!

[Alexandra]

Before I was diagnosed I had my life planned out: my career was going really well, got seconded to another country which I enjoyed, had made plans for marriage..kids...

Then my mom passed away with cancer and 2 days later the MS monster entered my life....took me more then one year to accept it, has the depression...strangely enough..it was my boss that counselled me and asked me to take antidepressives for a while as it will help me to loose some of the control and accept each day as it comes. I can't say I am successfull in copying with this everyday. But antidepressents for 2 weeks from time to time, exercising help me going. Plus this site and news on it help me hope we will get to the bottom of the cause of this disease one day in the near future.

MS tought me one thing: everything I thought I knew about life and control, does not apply anymore. MS controls my life..everyday can be a surprise and different symptoms with no prior notice. I can only control my reaction to it and that I guess is the key for me to move forward.

Wish you lots of health

[Bender]

I played very bad poker and drank heavily for a few days. What is it they call that again...

[Lyon]

..

[hannakat]

From another lifetime ago from before I was diagnosed with MS...

Let Go...

to “let go” is to fear less, and love more.
- author unknown

Wish there was a 'clapping hands' emoticon! Love it NHE.

~^..^~


I'm one of those who likes to control and ignore. Early in my MS journey I was very successful in ignoring a great deal and lived as good and full as I could. I'm grateful now that I did it that way.

[NHE]

Well said NHE, I'm going to print that out and stick it on my fridge!

That was before MS. This is more of my perspective now...

To me, MS is a vicious circle. It makes it hard to do things, therefore I do less. As a result, it becomes even harder to do things I once could do without much difficulty. It is like hanging from the proverbial knot at the end of a rope except that the rope stretches and gets thinner thereby making it easier for it to stretch. I often feel as though I have to fight just to stand still. Like standing in a strong rip tide, you either resist or get washed out to sea. The water is noticeably deeper now.

NHE

[surfbird]

Thank you, all of you, for taking the time to respond to this. I don't know exactly what to say but I wanted to let you know that I appreciate you sharing your side and that you've given me new things to think about.