CCSVI Theory Debunked by Dr. Nero Oligist

[Donnchadh]

[AP - For Immediate Distribution] The international giant pharmacological conglomerate, Nostrum Remedium, Inc. announced today that the noted Dr. Nero Oligist has been elected to their board of directors.

This represents a significant change of focus for Dr. Nero Oligist, who for decades has been the chief proponent for the exclusive use of crutches for MS patients. "I have been at the forefront of crutch research for decades, and I was instrumental in advocating the transition from all-wood construction to the current chrome-plated metal crutches," he claimed.

Stock analysts point out that crutch utilization rates have been steadily declining since a new competing technology - wheelchairs - has gained widespread popularity. One talking head on CNBC claims, "In all seriousness, it's clear to everyone except the most hardened CRUTCH zealots that the theory of CRUTCH's has started circling the drain......I think 'all over but the crying' is the correct term." "Desperation," he added, "is the term that comes to mind."

Dr. Nero Oligist will be in charge of Nostrum Remedium's new ventures in developing proprietary Patent Medicine for their MS customers. Concurrent with their research programs (prescription drugs allegedly containing exotic ingredients such as GMO snake oil), the mega corporation intends to launch an innovative advertising program and to hire more sales reps.

As part of his compensation package (rumored to be worth 100's of millions in salary and stock options), Dr. Nero Oligist has agreed to allow his portrait - minus his famous horse blinders- to be the marketing image for the new line of Patent Medicine, under the pseudonym "Dr. James William Kidd."



When pressed for more details, the CEO of Nostrum Remedium, Inc., O. Bese Katt, stated that the "...beauty of Patent Medicine is that we are not legally required under FDA rules to actually cure MS; but just to claim that our drugs slow the progression of this disease." Cynics note above the unsubstantiated claim that, "The lame have thrown away crutches and walked about after two or three trials of this remedy" as being the actual reason why Dr. Nero Oligist has decided to join Nostrum Remedium, Inc.


Donnchadh

[Donnchadh]

[AP - Immediate Release] Dr. Nero Oligist announced today an important peer reviewed article published in The Journal Of Neurology and Pharmacology for monetary Advancement. This article is a summary of his latest research into the so called "CCSVI" theory for MS. Dr. Nero Oligist has achieved an important research breakthrough by abandoning the use of EAE mice as models, and substituting instead a bionic model for venous circulation. "We have adopted a new mouse model, based on the latest version of DOS, as a better analogue for the human circulatory system," wrote the Doctor in his article. With the wide spread substitution of wireless mouse from previous versions with cords, prices for used mouse units have dropped dramatically. "That's an important cost consideration for obtaining grants to fund my research," noted Dr. Nero Oligist, "when you consider the high salary paid to me and the stipends for my grad students."

The peer review board was so impressed by this research that they approved his article for publication in 0.0168 nanoseconds. Indeed most of the panel didn't feel it necessary to actually read the article, but simply nodded their heads in assent. However, it was difficult to ascertain between those panel members nodding approval for publishing from those just taking their daily nap.



Using the bionic mouse required Dr. Nero Oligist to pioneer several new surgical techniques, which are being patented by his parent company Nostrum Remedium, Inc. He had to utilize ultra thin catheter wires in order to transit from the mouse's tail into the innards. Many wires snapped until it was realized that a lubricant was required. Dr. Nero Oligist had his breakthrough moment when a can of WD 40 was located in the laboratory supply closet.

"With this wonderful x-ray imagery, it clearly shows the mouse's circular heart, and that there are no stenosis present in any of the extensive networks" claims Dr. Nero Oligist. "The existence of venous disorders, such as defective valves, were entirely absent" noted Dr. Nero Oligist. "The CCSVI theory," he asserts, "has no observable physical basis and any claimed post-procedure improvements are simply placebo." The doctor was able to mimic these placebo effects by simply re-writing mouse coding in his study.

The CEO of Nostrum Remedium, Inc., O. Bese Katt, approved the research grant which funded this landmark study. "While 5 million dollars sounds like a lot of money, " he remarked, "when added into the average cost of $45,000 for yearly patient pharmacology, it's an insignificant amount." But more importantly he adds, "It protects our investment in existing GMO snake oil products."

Donnchadh

The copyright holder of the x-ray image, Edward Sudentas, has graciously granted his permission for its non-commercial use in this forum. The direct link to his image is:

http://petergof.com/x-ray/mouse.htm

[Cece]

"With this wonderful x-ray imagery, it clearly shows the mouse's circular heart, and that there are no stenosis present in any of the extensive networks" claims Dr. Nero Oligist. "The existence of venous disorders, like defective values, were entirely absent" noted Dr. Nero Oligist. "The CCSVI theory," he asserts, "has no observable physical basis and any claimed post-procedure improvements are simply placebo." The doctor was able to mimic these placebo effects by simply re-writing mouse coding in his study.

Not sure whether to laugh or cry! Great stuff!

[ozwannabe]

Ha Ha Made my day!

Cheers,
Vicki

[bestadmom]

I expect Colin Rose or some other anti CCSVI press to plaguerize this.